Distorted Reflections of a Hidden Mask
by CursedAvenger
Summary: A oneshot about Naruto's past and the feelings he keeps hidden under his mask. A dark story that explores Naruto's memories about his past and his train of thought.


"Distorted Reflections of a Hidden Mask"

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Naruto.

A/N: This is an idea of one shot that has been annoying me for a while. I finally decided to write it out so I could get it out of my head. It is a short dark story about Naruto's past and his thoughts. This one shot focuses on Naruto's "mask" and the feeling he keeps inside of him.

**Warning: This story is rated M because of bloody scenes, the mention suicide, self abuse and other things not suitable for children. Read at your own risk. **

A twelve year old Naruto stares at his reflection in the mirror. The boy's face is devoid of his usual cheer and enthusiasm, replaced with a hollow, empty look. The usual sparkling sapphire blue eyes have dulled over, giving them a lifeless and false look. Naruto closes his eyes as tears begin to well up at the corner of his eyes. Suddenly he brings his head back and smashes it into the mirror, sending shards flying and causing cracks to spread from the center of the mirror. A small stream of crimson colored blood flows out of the multiple cuts on Naruto's forehead. The blood travels down the boy's face, some flowing down the mirror the rest down his face. The blood reaches his chin and drips down into the sink, the water turning a tint of red from the crimson liquid.

Naruto slowly pulls back his head revealing the spider web like cracks in the mirror. Watching his distorted reflection stare back at him the blonde suddenly punches the mirror with both hands sending more shards of glass flying. Ignoring the glass embedded in his fists Naruto continues to punch the glass as if he was actually inflicting the damage to himself. After a while Naruto stops to catch his breath. His hands are shaking and he grasps the sides of the sink to steady himself. Naruto watches the wounds on his hands slowly heal and begins to reminisce about his life before becoming a shinobi.

His earlier childhood memories were a maelstrom of confusion, pain and self hatred. Years of being the target of constant hatred and countless mental and physical abuse had caused a five year old Naruto to begin to believe that he was hated because he deserved it.

"_The villagers say I'm the reason the village has so many problems, they say I caused all their pain and all their grief. Maybe if I were to disappear everything would become perfect?" _

The villagers called him a monster, a demon and blamed him for the problems in the village. Naruto had convinced himself that if he was here the village had problems so IF he wasn't here the village wouldn't have problems…

This chain of thought led Naruto to begin a series of self abuse and multiple suicide attempts. The actions would range from mental rantings to physical self abuse. Naruto would cut, stab, burn and starve himself. He would even intentionally anger the villagers so they could beat him. However no matter how much Naruto convinced himself that he was better off dead that without him the village would be happier, Naruto could never truly bring himself to end it all. Their was always a faint voice that would tell him to stop, a voice that told him that his life was worth more then this…

However there was something else that prevented Naruto from disappearing. It was this immense force deep inside him that healed his wounds. If Naruto was told to describe this force he would say it was both searing hot and chilling cold and only a single color could describe it, blood red… This force would heal his wounds in seconds, cuts and stabs would fade, burns would heal and bone would mend. No matter what the injury was it would heal in a nights sleep and would never leave a scar.

There was also an outside force that would sometimes help Naruto when he was subjected to beatings from villagers. This help came in the form of the shinobi of Konoha. At first Naruto found a sliver of hope from his saviors.

"_If they keep saving me they must think I'm worth their effort!"_

These thoughts however were soon diminished as Naruto began to notice that the shinobi themselves would watch the villagers beat him. They would only take action if a serious life threatening action was taken.

Naruto once again focused his attention on what is left of his mirror. Cursing at the mess the blonde grabs the sides of the mirror and pulls it. As the mirror comes off its hinges a medicine cabinet behind it is revealed. Mixed along everyday items like a toothbrush, paste and floss are bottles of medicine. Most are normal like pain killers and cough medicine but one particular bottle stands out. This bottle is marked 'Prozac' in bold red letters.

Naruto takes the bottle in his hand, shaking the plastic container slightly to hear the pills rattle inside. Rumors spread through the village about Naruto's self abusive nature. Most were happy to hear the news, convinced that Naruto would solve their problem himself. Some however were more sympathetic to the boy's condition and sought help for him. It was through these few people that the news finally reached the Third Hokage.

The Hokage was furious that such news had been kept from him for so long. Apparently the agency in charge of orphans in Konoha had been feeding false information about Naruto's condition. The Third immediately ordered medical help for Naruto and then organized a personal psychiatrist for the troubled orphan. After many visits to the hospital, and many therapy sessions Naruto was deemed "stable" and prescribed antidepressants. The pills however seemed to have limited effect on Naruto. After they wore of they would send Naruto to an even greater state of depression.

This lead to more sessions with his psychiatrist and more pills were prescribed. Soon however Naruto began to become addicted to the antidepressants. He had an unquenchable desire for the feeling of euphoria that came with the pill. This new fact caught the attention of his doctors and all the medicine was taken away from Naruto. After weeks of rehabilitation Naruto was once again prescribed to a single antidepressant, Prozac.

Turning on the faucet Naruto pours some water into a cup. Opening the bottle of Prozac Naruto takes out a pill. He pops the pill into his mouth and then washes it down with water. As the pill begins to take effect Naruto stares down at his bloody reflection in the water.

After he had reached the qualified age Naruto enrolled himself into the Ninja Academy. His original goal was to learn how to protect himself, earn some money and just maybe find someone who would accept him. Unfortunately Naruto quickly found out that he didn't have what it took to become a shinobi. He had a lot of chakra but almost no chakra control. He had a lot of stamina but was slow to develop basic skills. Naruto was clumsy, could not successfully use any of the three basic Ninjutsu's and was at the bottom of his class when it came to academic learning. The only reason that Naruto was allowed to stay at the academy was because of the Hokage's own order to keep him enrolled.

It was then that Naruto began to notice how everyone respected, admired and acknowledged the Hokage. Naruto had actually grown to like the old geezer, since he was one of the few people that treated him kindly. This was the beginning of what would one day become Naruto's dream, his need to become accepted evolved into his dream to become Hokage. He believed that if he became the strongest shinobi in the village he would have to be named Hokage. And with this title the villagers would have to accept him.

However there was one problem standing in the way of Naruto's dream of becoming Hokage. To become the strongest shinobi in the village, one would have to first graduate out of the Ninja Academy. As of now Naruto is still an academy student, the "dead last" of the class, and once again he had failed to achieve the rank of Genin.

Remembering his failure to become a Genin causes Naruto to slam his fists onto the sink. Naruto had really wanted to graduate this year, to advance with the rest of the class. This was the first year he had actually felt accepted. Iruka-sensei was kind to him, he had made a few friends like Shikamaru, Kiba and Chouji and Sakura-chan…well he could work on that. Then there was Sasuke the number one rookie of the year. The heartthrob of all the young girls of the village and the single one person Naruto disliked most.

Sasuke was better then him in everything. He could fight better, throw shuriken and kunai better. He was faster, stronger, smarter and just better. All the girls loved him, especially his Sakura-chan. And to make matters worse Sasuke felt that he was superior to everyone else, especially Naruto.

"_Dobe"_

However Naruto couldn't really bring himself to hate Sasuke. No matter how much Naruto despised him he could not HATE him. Sasuke was very similar to him. Both boys have had tragic pasts, leaving them both orphans. However while Naruto was hated Sasuke was loved. The villagers literary worshiped the last Uchiha, the Uchiha prodigy. He was the last one of his clan and they hoped that he would be the one to revive the famed clan. But what about the Uzumaki? Wasn't Naruto the last Uzumaki? He did not have in family; he had no relatives at all. But the villagers hated him, what made him so different from Sasuke?

Naruto's face suddenly shifted from pain and confusion to determination. He would prove everyone wrong. He would become a Genin. He would defeat Sasuke. He would get Sakura-chan to love him. He would become strong; he would learn the most jutsu's, complete the most missions and become the most powerful shinobi in the village. Then he would become Hokage and show the villagers what he has become. Then everyone would acknowledge him, he would protect the village and help it prosper. Everyone would love him and Naruto would finally be happy.

"_Happiness"_

Happiness was something Naruto had never truly experienced. Sure he ran around parading a wide smile. But that was just an illusion, a mask. Sure Naruto had felt happy. He felt happy when he ate ramen, when he pulled off a new prank or when Iruka-sensei praised him. However it was never really true happiness. Under all that smiling and acting stupid Naruto is truly hurting. Under the smiling façade, under the mask that he wears Naruto is sad, hurt and lonely.

So lonely, the pain of being alone is worse then the most searing burns. The most painful wounds could not compare to the feeling of having no one to come home to. Shattered bones are nothing compared to falling asleep alone, in a cold, dark house.

"_We wear the mask that grins and lies,_

_It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes_

_This debt we pay to human guile;_

_With torn and bleeding hearts we smile."_

This was a poem that Naruto had once heard. The poem instantly found its way into his heart. It reflected his feelings perfectly. Naruto walked around with a mask. A mask that kept the hate out and the pain in. It was this mask that everyone saw, the smiling carefree prankster that did not care what anyone thought.

Today however everything would change. Today Naruto would prove that he deserved the rank of Hokage. After today Iruka-sensei would promote him. Then he would be a Genin like everyone else. He would be put into a three man team, hopefully with Sakura-chan. All he had to do was follow the directions Mizuki-sensei had told him. Sneak into the Hokage tower. Find the fake test scroll that Mizuki had placed there. "Steal" it and bring it to the forest where Mizuki had told him. When he completed this task Mizuki would tell Iruka about his genius skills and Iruka-sensei would promote him.

Naruto drains the sink watching the red water swirl like miniature whirlpool then disappear. After washing the dry blood from his face Naruto exits the small bathroom. Putting on his goggle and his shinobi gear Naruto walks toward the exit of the apartment. As he opens the door and walks out into the night he puts on his mask and smiles.

A/N: So yeah it's finally done. I'm not sure if I will continue this one shot and turn it into continuation story. I have some ideas about turning it into an epic but I will not promise anything. Review and tell me what you think. Flames and constructive criticism is welcomed and I would appreciate it if you could tell me what I can improve, like the flow of the story or my writing style. Also for those of you who read my other fanfic "Intertwined Destiny's" it is currently on halt. I have been revising the older chapters and playing around with the idea of re-writing the entire story.


End file.
